What Do We Want?

As human beings, I believe we all have the same basic needs. Love would probably be the first thing most people think of when asked "What Do You Want Most In Your Life?" Love is an ever changing emotion. It can make you happy, it can make you sad, it can make you hate, or it can make you hope.
Love is something that requires two people to really commit to commit to each other. That sounds so much easier than it really is. It is easy to say "I Do", and unfortunately in this day and age it is just as easy to get a divorce. Marriage in our society today is very disposable. With the Media the way it is today, we are always getting up to date reports about this or that actor that just got married 72 days ago and now they are divorcing.  Everyday there is a new story of who is getting divorced.

It didn't work!  It probably didn't work because both people entering into this relationship, were not committed to being honest with themselves about what they were really wanting from marriage. People go into marriages wanting someone to take care of them, or to make them feel safe.  Unless you have some common background similarities, chances are the real compatibility isn't there. We form relationships for all kinds of reasons. Some want companionship, and some are really looking for love. Working on a relationship like marriage takes work every minute of every day. If you do not realize from the start, that relationships are compromise, you are doomed. Compromise has never been an easy thing for me to do. From the time I was a teenager, I have been a rebel, and compromising always reminded me of losing. As I have become more enlightened on the ways of Relationships, I have learned that without compromise there is no Relationship. All relationships whether they are friendships or marriages, are give and take. That is the way a Relationship gains trust. With no trust, you cannot really have love. Trust is a very scary thing, especially for me. Time and time again, people have proved that I cannot trust them.  This is where figuring out myself came into play. I finally realized that you cannot always trust everyone, but there are some you can. If you are true to yourself, and honest with others about your feelings, you develop trust. Without searching inward, we have no way of knowing what we want outside of ourselves.

If you do not love yourself, it doesn't matter who you marry, chances are it won't work. People do not realize that we really do not know what we want from other people.  Loving ourselves requires being honest with one's self, looking inward, and realizing that everyone makes mistakes. It is the mistakes, that sometimes makes us the people we become. If you cannot let go of the unanswered questions or the reasons why you did or did not do something, you have no chance. No chance of ever being loved by someone else. There is no room inside a heart that is not content. That is kind of a deep statement, but think about it for a moment. You cannot be truly happy until your own heart is content. Content with the fact that you are okay with what you have done in your life, good or bad. This does not come easy.

For years I would think about the different bad choices I made, or people I dated, or places I went. This kind of dwelling hurts one person, and one person only, you! The people that are involved in these circumstances with you, aren't suffering a bit. They aren't suffering because these are the kind of things we keep locked inside. Until we unlock them by exploring our feelings about them, they will keep your heart from really loving to the fullest. I use to believe that if it was painful for me, surely it was painful for all parties concerned. Not so! This was the idea that took me the longest to figure out. We all have control over how we let other people's actions and words affect us. I know that sounds amazing, but we do. In fact, we are the only one's that can control how other's affect us. You have to ask yourself, why am I letting this other person's life, lies, or actions affect me. If it's not your mess, don't try to clean it up. This is one of the hardest lessons I have learned.

It took me a long time to realize that what we think we want, is not always what we need.