I have been wanting to write a book for several years now, but unsure as how to start it. Also, you have to ask yourself who would want to read a book I wrote. So year after year I have put it off, until now. One of my undertakings this year is going to be this book. I believe, I have found a way to start it, and am sure I have plenty of research for it also. At 55 I have finally figured out that I can be the person I have always wanted to be, Me!
I wanted to start via a blog because it seems easier to write my thoughts down in this format. Since I started my Matsusworld Blog a couple years ago, I have gotten used to using it as a sounding board, and it is comfortable. Only the people in my life that I trust, have the address, so it seems like a safe environment for my daily thoughts. The reason I started that Blog was to keep in touch with Friends and Family that I do not live near. During that time I have realized how easy it really is to write, at least to write what I know about. I have so much experience, education, and practical application of life, maybe this information will help someone along the way. I believe that if my experiences with relationships, doctors, drugs, children, siblings, and parents, helps only one person, it will have been worth it.
It has taken me most of my 55 years to realize what I am really all about. So many years I could not look inward as to why I thought the way I did, and why I did the things I do. I was too afraid of what exposing myself to all those scary things would actually do, I didn't. I thought it was easier to hide what hurt, or what I missed, or what I should or shouldn't have done. In retrospect I would not be the person I am, had I not lived through life's dramas, good and bad. At this age, my kids are raised and on their own, I am not in the workforce anymore, so I believe this is a good starting point.
When I was a child, I enjoyed a very healthy, happy childhood. I grew up in a very Norman Rockwell type environment. I was raised with Religion and I grew up with 4 siblings. My parents are still married after all these years. I enjoyed wonderful family vacations, and holidays with grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and many friends.
When I was a teenager, I believed anything was possible, and throughout most of my life, that has been my way of thinking. My parent's raised me to be inquisitive, smart, thoughtful, and compassionate for other people. Eventually as a teenager I became a complete rebel, as most teenagers do. At sixteen like most girls, I got a driver's license, I was able to date, and I was fearless! At seventeen, I got pregnant. I was kicked out of my high school, and sent to a Continuation School. Back in 1973, Pregnancy was not tolerated at schools, it was something to be ashamed of. This school, was a new kind of school. Kids that had been kicked out of school could go and still graduate. This was a radically different kind of school than I had ever seen. All but me and one other girl there, were criminals. Kids that got arrested for stealing, doing drugs, or worse. I did end up graduating, and giving the baby up for adoption. Years later I would find out that it was a black market baby adoption, and be involved in a Class Action Suit against the doctor.
When I was in my 20s I got married for the first time. He was young, and not really wanting to be married, and definitely not mature enough to carry on any kind of real relationship. I had two beautiful daughters. I would spend 16 years trying to make a life with this man, and world for us. I was 29 when I realized, he would never change, and I could not change him.
In my 30s, I moved 600 miles away from everyone and everything I knew. I moved to the Sierra Nevada Mountains to raise my daughters, as Southern California had grown too much. There was no small town feel anymore. Too fast, for the way I wanted to raise my children. I found a beautiful little town with only 500 population at that time, and started over. It was a hard life, but it definitely helped me be who I am today. Had I never moved from Orange County, I would never have experienced Nature the way I have for the last 25 years. Needless to say, it was Culture Shock, but eventually I found a way to raise my daughters in this beautiful Norman Rockwell type environment, and put myself through college.
In my 40s, I met a man that I had known as a child and a teenager. We eventually fell in love and he became my confidant, my best friend, and husband. We experienced many ups and downs in our 40s. Raising teenagers, finding the child I gave up at 17, and moving from the Mountains to the Foothills. Moving to the Foothills was interesting in more than one way. My oldest daughter went off to college. Where we live in the Foothills, there are also atleast 50 people that my husband and I went to school with as children. My husband and I would eventually move back to the Mountains for a few years for the youngest to go through high school.
In my 50s, my husband and I moved in with my parents. They were having health issues. My youngest daughter was graduating high school and going to college, and we needed a change. Life took unexpected routes through the next several years. We finally ended up back where we belong in the Foothills. My oldest is now a married, mother of two. My youngest is out of College and working on her Career, and my husband and I are starting over, again!
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